In today’s world it’s a bit harder to have a strong happy marriage. We have so many distractions like social media, work, kids, etcetera and it takes a lot of attention away from your spouse. In this article I want to give my outlook on things that can help or hurt a marriage.
Loyalty & Trust
In a good marriage you must have complete trust in one another. I believe that spouses should be best friends and that there shouldn’t be secrets held from one another. You should never lie to your spouse because once trust is broken they will question if anything you say is the truth. There is a fine line between jealousy and distrust, doing things out of jealousy isn’t okay, but if you have had your trust broken by your partner it’s a whole different story.
With the advancements in technology it’s allowed many temptations that could destroy a marriage. There are many apps and websites that allow people to have private conversations, this creates the temptation to have inappropriate exchange with other people. I highly encourage you to not participate in this type of social media, even if you think you won’t abuse it, the opposite party might not show the same respect and this could lead you down a dark path. I also feel that it is inappropriate to have a passcode on your phone that your spouse doesn’t know the code to, if there is nothing to hide then it shouldn’t be a secret.
If your spouse has never given you a reason not to trust them I don’t find it necessary to go through their phone, in my opinion that is an act of unnecessary distrust and jealousy. If you really trust your spouse show them that trust and respect until they give you a reason not to.
Pulling Your Weight
It takes both people to make a marriage run smoothly. If only one person is pulling all the weight it’s going to cause them a lot of stress and affect your relationship. If you’re able to work make sure you are helping out financially, pay some of the bills, help out with groceries, take each other out on dates. If your unable to work there are still big ways you can contribute to your household by keeping the house clean, taking care of the children, and making sure meals are prepared. If you both work I feel that it is considered respectful for both people to share chores and caring for the kids.
Coming To Agreements
In my opinion no one person should be the boss of the household. When it comes to big decisions it’s healthy if both people make the final call together as a team. This is a big deal especially when it comes to parenting. Kid’s intentions are normally not meant to cause parents to fight but they will try to play sides to get things they want. At the end of the day, kids grow up and create lives of their own, and in the end it’s you and your spouse. You must learn how to compromise on decisions concerning your kids (or anything for that matter), don’t make a final call without discussing it with your spouse first in order to dodge an argument.
Make Time For Each Other
Even though life gets pretty hectic you must make time for each other. Quality time creates a stronger bond between spouses, it’s the time where you can figure out what’s going on in each others lives and help each other grow not only as a couple but as individuals. Even if you’re only allotted a few hours per week due to work, I highly encourage you to come to an agreement on a schedule where you take time out of each week to spend alone together. If you have children it may benefit you to have a set bedtime for them, that way you and your spouse can have valuable time together before bed. As much as you might love your little ones sleeping in the same bed with you it shouldn’t become a habit, your bedroom is yours and your spouses special place made to be shared between the two of you. If two people spend enough time apart they begin to grow apart and that can be extremely damaging to a relationship.
One of the most important things you can do in a marriage is to learn each other’s top two love languages. Love language is the way you show love and ways that make you feel loved. In this segment I want to go over the 5 love languages and ways you can express them. I encourage you to sit down with you spouse and figure out what each other’s love languages are. Many times I see a person showing their love in the way they most enjoy being loved, but if that isn’t your partners love language then it isn’t going to effect them in the same way it does you. This may lead to them feeling lack luster in the relationship and unfulfilled.
1. Words of Affirmation
This type of love is shown by giving compliments and speaking words of thankfulness and appreciation towards that person. If your spouse most values this type of love I recommend you giving them genuine compliments. If you like something they are wearing that day let them know, if they got a new style acknowledge that you notice it, if they look pretty or smell nice tell them. Also try and remind yourself to show gratitude when they do something nice for you. If they make or give you something thank them, if they take good care of your kids remind them that they are a good parent, if they cleaned the house or took care of some bills let them know you appreciate it.
2. Acts of Service
Some people feel most loved through acts of service, and what this means is helping them out. You can show this type of love through things like helping with household chores, driving them to an appointment, helping out with the kids, cooking meals, etcetera. It basically consist of anything that would help take some of the load off of their day.
3. Gift Giving
People can be a little too quick to judge on this type of love because they may see it as gold digging when it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Yes, store bought gifts are nice and I don’t know anyone who doesn’t like gifts. But if gift giving is your spouses love language you don’t have to break the bank to fulfill them. Stopping on the side of the road and picking them some wild flowers, home made cards, and music mixes are a wonderful way to easily show your partner love without spending tons of money. Another good example is randomly doing little things, for instance sometimes when my husband stops by Walmart he will pick me up some Epsom salts for my bath because my body aches, that means so much to me that he was thinking about me. So it doesn’t always have to be extravagant gifts, a lot of times the little things mean the most because it lets them know you were thinking about them.
4. Physical Touch
Even though I’m not a very “ intimate“ person this happens to be one of my top two love languages. Without being said, it’s obvious in ways a married couple can express this language, so I’m going to state some other ways you can show this type of love that’s not all about the bedroom (out of respect for my younger viewers). Other ways you can show this type of love is by holding hands, sitting together on the same couch and cuddling, rubbing their back or sore feet, putting your arm around them in public, playing with their hair, etcetera. So even though it’s obvious this one could be taken as only sexual, it doesn’t necessarily have to be. Let’s be honest, when you get older and you work a lot, you’re extremely tired most of the time, but you can still show your spouse this type of love in other ways.
5. Quality Time
Lastly is the type of love shown by simply spending time with one another. This is also on my personal top two list. With work and busy lifestyles it can be hard to spend as much time with your partner as they’d like, but if this is your partners love language it’s very important that you make time for them. Try and make it a point to have a date night no less than once a month, it doesn’t have to be an expensive one. This type of love is basically showing your partner that you like spending time with them and you care about conversation with them.
So that’s my take on the five love languages. As soon as you can sit down with your partner and figure out what each other’s top two are and start working on them. By doing this you will see your marriage flourish and become even stronger.
I want to end this article by saying that your marriage and your vows to each other are important. Always remember that at the end of the day it will end up being you two, you are a team. The grass isn’t always greener on the other side, so make sure that you water your own grass! I hope this blog post helps encourage my readers to work on their marriage because I want to see you all happy and in love. If you’re spiritual like I am (if not it’s ok), keep in mind God comes first and your spouse comes second. If you follow that then everything else will fall into place.